Again

Psa 32:1  A David psalm. Count yourself lucky, how happy you must be-- you get a fresh 
start, your slate's wiped clean. 
Psa 32:2  Count yourself lucky-- GOD holds nothing against you and you're holding 
nothing back from him. 
Psa 32:3  When I kept it all inside, my bones turned to powder, my words became 
daylong groans. 
Psa 32:4  The pressure never let up; all the juices of my life dried up. 
Psa 32:5  Then I let it all out; I said, "I'll make a clean breast of my failures to GOD." 
Suddenly the pressure was gone-- my guilt dissolved, my sin disappeared. 

	It was like a life's portion of tears had been held up behind this big dam, and now 
it was suddenly set free to flow into the valley below. Without warning this had taken 
place at the mere sound of a few words describing the love and care of someone who 
would stick closer than a brother. 
	For such a long time, probably all the way back to childhood, there had been a 
pattern developed of putting up this shield against the prospect of rejection or failure. As 
relationships had come and gone, the strength of this barrier had grown to the point that 
nothing could break through to the soft center that needed so much to be touched. With 
personal failures, the belief that there would ever be anyone who would want to touch it 
had all but died. Sure, life would go on, but the stuff of which life is really made of, that 
spirit of freedom and joy that comes in an innocence that knows the gratification of 
friendship and communion, seemed to have been stopped up behind this great reservoir. 
Although the capacity for life was there, it was concealed behind this heart wall, and for 
all practical purposes, might have never existed at all. 
	To this impassable restriction had come the only thing that could make its way 
through, the touch of the Master. As words of His love had been spoken, a breach had 
been formed in the most vulnerable spot, and now all that had been held back seemed to 
be released at one time. What had been thought to be completely lifeless took form, and a 
vision of possibilities had come into view. This had been the beginning of a whole new 
life. It was as if delivery had been made of the most precious infant with a fresh set of 
potentials before it. All that had held it back since its conception had been removed and it 
had been allowed to breath the air of the outside world, the world of salvation. 
	How wonderful, how cherished, how fortunate this moment, a moment set aside 
in time upon which every subsequent day would rely. And yet somehow, over time, a 
brick had been placed upon another in that inner place once more, as inevitable failure 
brought shame and reticence to let it be in the open. Those who should have been there at 
the time of need may have also failed to show up, and faith had begun to give place to 
doubt as to the validity of it all. Materializing where it never need be was this emulation 
of what had existed before the light of His love. Possibly even more difficult of an 
obstacle because of the substance making up its foundation, this wall had begun to retain 
so many things like before. 
	What a disappointment, what a disillusionment, and yet, something to be 
discovered in this time is the most powerful discovery since that first moment of His 
touch. All is not lost. Just as real (and maybe more so) as the first time is the return of His 
touch to the walled up heart, and the release of all that might be held there. This, in fact, 
is the most important lesson upon which sanctification would rely- that the way to 
righteousness and holiness is more about the return of His touch than the success of our 
actions. It would never be about our ability to muster the perfection of holiness. Just like 
the first time, it would be His touch alone by the Spirit and by the Word that would 
remove the wall of retention and separation. He is knocking and waiting, not for a perfect 
residence, but for an open door into the one that will let Him in to make renovations. 
	The repetition of this process until it becomes continual is way to the walk with 
the Master that loses interruption from the barriers of life. To ever be born yet again in 
Him- the life of love. 


Dan 10:18  "Then this humanlike figure touched me again and gave me strength. 
Dan 10:19  He said, 'Don't be afraid, friend. Peace. Everything is going to be all right. 
Take courage. Be strong.' "Even as he spoke, courage surged up within me.

1/4/06